Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
