you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
birth control should be required to get into college
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
