he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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