some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
