I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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