He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I didn't notice because vodka
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize