This girl is more easily done than said...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
