On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
