never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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