the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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