Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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