then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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