i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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