The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
