I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
