I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize