she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
