You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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