Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
they call him Oral-B. enough said
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
