I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
