This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
