i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
