I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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