I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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