i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
