So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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