the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
do herpes really smell.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize