I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
