Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
