Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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