So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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