dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
