i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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