My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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