She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
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They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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