nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
