4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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