I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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