you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
