Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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