i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
