Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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