from now on my penis is your penis
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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