also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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