I'm jealous of your bromance
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
