Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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