wanna go halves on a baby?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
