the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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