Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
