Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
