i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
