The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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