Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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