WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
