so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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