my vag is so smooth its legendary
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
