I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
