turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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