my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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