ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
