we have pet lesbian snakes
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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