I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
