Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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