I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
