So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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